DSB decided to sit down with Harrisburg AA baseball superstar and local president of the more dollars than brains club Bryce Harper to discuss how he is spending this off season...

Bro... I spent 38 minutes on my hair...

DSB:  Bryce, you recently sent out a tweet to Wale (a DC area rapper) asking for a shout out in one of his songs?  If he gave you a shout out would this be your new at bat music?

BH:  Bro, when you are as awesome as I am it is tough to understand why I am not getting name dropped in more music.  The Bryce Brand has the ability to really drum up hype and recognition and that is why my boy Scotty Boras has me endorsing Moose Knuckle Juice.  It’s like Jager but with three times the alcohol and it is guaranteed to get the ladies in the mood.  Big Ben swears by this stuff.  So yeah if I could get Wale to name drop me and the Moose Knuckle in a song that would be my go to before I start ripping off pitcher tits, Bro.

DSB:  How is that truck of yours doing?

BH:  Bro, I traded in that murdered out F350 for a pimped out H2.  It was used but being able to put a disco ball inside my car along with a Patron Tequila and Moose Knuckle themed bar was a must if I am going to make my whip as awesome as it should be for The Chosen One.  I also had them put in a closet where I can keep my Affliction and double deep V T-shirts.  That's right double deep V... just another part of the Bryce Brand.  Thank you Scotty.  Bitches be ripping them off my body all the time and you know…

/Flexes in mirror and blows himself a kiss.

DSB:  How do you like hanging around the capital region of PA this off season?

BH:  Bro, it was has been pretty good so far, I really enjoyed seeing Dane Cook down at the Giant Center.  That guy is just the funniest white boy around.  He and I went shopping at Abercrombie & Fitch after the show and picked up a couple nice “bitties.”  Since then he helped me decorate my crib.  I now have a Scarface poster in every room of my house.  I even have a life size one in the shower… its bitchin’ Bro.

DSB:  How have you been working on your game now that the cold weather has come around?

BH: Do you think this Hollister “Tell Your Girlfriend I Said Thanks” T-shirt is tight enough?  I don’t think it is as tight as they advertised it to be…

DSB:  The big story around here has been the Penn State Scandal… any thoughts about the news?

BH:  Yo…Bro touching little boys is gay.  Like really gay but not just like Subaru driver with rainbow sticker gay.  Like gay bad plus really homo type gay… you know what I mean Bro?

DSB: No… at least I hope not.

BH:  Bro, Its easy… there is gay, like two dudes gay and then there is gay like that cop pulling me over for doing 95 on Harvey Taylor Bridge gay.  This is gay-gay.  Both kinds of gay at the same time.

DSB: Kind of like Bros Icing Bros but somehow you made it more homophobic?

BH: No, Bro… that shit is fun!

Thanks for coming and suckling on Daddy’s Sugar Ball…

Bearcat