So Pat… ESPN tells me you got a terminal case of dementia. Some will tell you that this will make you weaker, that you can’t still run the show, and that your decision making is compromised. Hooey!

/nurse wipes drool from chin

This will make you stronger. You will be unpredictable! They will never see it coming. Just like my Raiders your Women’s Volunteers Basketball team will be impossible to scout. No one will ever know what your next move is… EVEN YOU! It is the ultimate surprise.

/eating breakfast burrito made completely of embryonic stem cells

NCAA rules can be shredded with impunity. You no longer have to live by the rules if you can’t remember them. Bruce Pearl would kill to have your gift. Now you can pay your players and never have to worry about testifying under oath or anything. Your mind will erase every bad decision, every mistake. You are an infallible sports god.

/soils track suit

In the later stages of our condition an individual will exhibit: Impulsivity, ‘thoughtless’ comments and socially inappropriate behavior. Sounds like a blank check to me. I know you have been just dying to kick Geno Auriemma in the jewels at center court for years… now is your chance. Without repercussions!

/turns on TV and begins watching a snuff film

Want to use an immigrant worker as a foot stool like me? Do it. Want to draft a woefully immature, petulant QB with wildly bad accuracy but blazing speed at least three rounds too early in the supplemental draft just to show everyone that you are still in charge? Go for it. Nothing is not within your grasp now. Enjoy the ride while it last because later this afternoon you will be wandering the street in nothing but a bed sheet asking for mustard on a skateboard.

Just win baby,
Al Davis