Answering John Clayton's Mailbag - Week 10
Here at DSB we are devoid of both original ideas and reader e-mail. So instead of making questions up, we're answering some of the questions in "The Professor" John Clayton's weekly NFL mailbag. After a few weeks off from this monumental task, we're back and ready to go...
From his inbox...
Q: In your Nov. 10 mailbag, you had an interesting stat regarding "elite" quarterbacks. Brett Favre and Jay Cutler are each running offenses that are scoring fewer than 20 points per game, but some lesser-known starters are averaging a bit more than 20 points per game. I think you may be on the right track with your recent comments about rethinking or tweaking your definition for "elite." But don't feel bad -- that kind of designation is a moving target except for a select few. Mike in Pittsburgh
A: Brett Favre and Jay Cutler should be as far away from an elite list of quarterbacks as Ke$ha from People's Most Beautiful list. I looked back at that November 10th mailbag to see who Clayton had listed as "elite" and shockingly he had 14 (14?!?!?) quarterbacks. For chrissakes, he had Favre 5th on the list. I wonder if Clayton used a venti-sized triple-fat snickerdoodle latte to lure Peter King away from Favre's dick long enough for him to suck it. McNabb? Carson Palmer? Eli Manning? Joe Flacco? Yep, all elite according to The Professor. I'm starting to wonder if John Clayton even watches the games.
Q: You wrote that Shane Lechler "may go down as one of the greatest punters ever" in your midseason All-Pro article. Shouldn't Jeff Feagles deserve the same praise? Sean in Los Angeles
A: Being known as "one of the greatest punters ever" in the NFL is like being known as "one of the best bathroom attendants at Le Bernadin". Other members of the football team loathe the kicker and punter. They ridicule them behind their back and sometimes to their face. The kicking units get so harassed and bullied I'm surprised a punter hasn't thrown himself off a bridge in a suicide attempt yet. Where's Tim Gunn now to tell you "it gets better"? Sean, stop caring about punters and go back to LARPing.
Q: My roommates have been arguing about your midseason grade for the Buccaneers for well over an hour now. One roommate says there's no way they deserve an A because they haven't beaten a good team yet and doesn't think they should be graded above the likes of Pittsburgh or Atlanta. The other roommate thinks they deserve the A because you've graded them with other criteria than just performance. He says you've taken things like preseason expectations and talent level into consideration. Can you please explain your midseason grade for the Bucs so they'll shut up? Nick G in Missoula, Mont.
A: That's an hour of your friends' lives they're never getting back. Raheem Morris hasn't thought about this Bucs' team longer than an hour all season. So what are you guys smoking? Train Wreck? White Widow? Northern Lights? Put down the bong and stop e-mailing stupid questions to The Professor...he's busy re-doing his "elite" list of quarterbacks anyway.
Q: Watching Matthew Stafford get injured makes me sick to my stomach as a Lions fan. What I'm curious about is, how much do injuries have to do with how the player lands? It seems like that is Stafford's problem. He seems to think this is high school or college, where he can land in any position and be OK. Instead, he needs to protect his body rather than let the lightest of hits in the NFL (if there is such a thing) cause him to land on his shoulders. Gary in Middlebury, Ind.
A: I would have thought years as a Lions' fan would have steeled your stomach to sickness. If Matt Stafford's injuries are that physically devastating to you, were you bedridden and hooked up on IVs and a feeding tube during the Matt Millen era? Did Wayne Fontes make you impotent? (No shame, you wouldn't be the first) Getting back to Stafford, I'm sure when the 300lb defensive end is barreling down on his blind side with a speed and force that would cause most normal men to shit their pants, landing is the least of his worries.
Thanks for coming and suckling Daddy's Sugar Ball...
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From his inbox...
Q: In your Nov. 10 mailbag, you had an interesting stat regarding "elite" quarterbacks. Brett Favre and Jay Cutler are each running offenses that are scoring fewer than 20 points per game, but some lesser-known starters are averaging a bit more than 20 points per game. I think you may be on the right track with your recent comments about rethinking or tweaking your definition for "elite." But don't feel bad -- that kind of designation is a moving target except for a select few. Mike in Pittsburgh
A: Brett Favre and Jay Cutler should be as far away from an elite list of quarterbacks as Ke$ha from People's Most Beautiful list. I looked back at that November 10th mailbag to see who Clayton had listed as "elite" and shockingly he had 14 (14?!?!?) quarterbacks. For chrissakes, he had Favre 5th on the list. I wonder if Clayton used a venti-sized triple-fat snickerdoodle latte to lure Peter King away from Favre's dick long enough for him to suck it. McNabb? Carson Palmer? Eli Manning? Joe Flacco? Yep, all elite according to The Professor. I'm starting to wonder if John Clayton even watches the games.
Q: You wrote that Shane Lechler "may go down as one of the greatest punters ever" in your midseason All-Pro article. Shouldn't Jeff Feagles deserve the same praise? Sean in Los Angeles
A: Being known as "one of the greatest punters ever" in the NFL is like being known as "one of the best bathroom attendants at Le Bernadin". Other members of the football team loathe the kicker and punter. They ridicule them behind their back and sometimes to their face. The kicking units get so harassed and bullied I'm surprised a punter hasn't thrown himself off a bridge in a suicide attempt yet. Where's Tim Gunn now to tell you "it gets better"? Sean, stop caring about punters and go back to LARPing.Q: My roommates have been arguing about your midseason grade for the Buccaneers for well over an hour now. One roommate says there's no way they deserve an A because they haven't beaten a good team yet and doesn't think they should be graded above the likes of Pittsburgh or Atlanta. The other roommate thinks they deserve the A because you've graded them with other criteria than just performance. He says you've taken things like preseason expectations and talent level into consideration. Can you please explain your midseason grade for the Bucs so they'll shut up? Nick G in Missoula, Mont.
A: That's an hour of your friends' lives they're never getting back. Raheem Morris hasn't thought about this Bucs' team longer than an hour all season. So what are you guys smoking? Train Wreck? White Widow? Northern Lights? Put down the bong and stop e-mailing stupid questions to The Professor...he's busy re-doing his "elite" list of quarterbacks anyway.
Q: Watching Matthew Stafford get injured makes me sick to my stomach as a Lions fan. What I'm curious about is, how much do injuries have to do with how the player lands? It seems like that is Stafford's problem. He seems to think this is high school or college, where he can land in any position and be OK. Instead, he needs to protect his body rather than let the lightest of hits in the NFL (if there is such a thing) cause him to land on his shoulders. Gary in Middlebury, Ind.
A: I would have thought years as a Lions' fan would have steeled your stomach to sickness. If Matt Stafford's injuries are that physically devastating to you, were you bedridden and hooked up on IVs and a feeding tube during the Matt Millen era? Did Wayne Fontes make you impotent? (No shame, you wouldn't be the first) Getting back to Stafford, I'm sure when the 300lb defensive end is barreling down on his blind side with a speed and force that would cause most normal men to shit their pants, landing is the least of his worries.
Thanks for coming and suckling Daddy's Sugar Ball...
Posted by Max Power at 11/19/2010 1:00 PM 
Categories: uncategorized
Tags: Brett Favre Jay Cutler John Clayton ESPN mailbag punters Shane Lechler Tim Gunn Tampa Bay Buccaneers Raheem Morris Detroit Lions Matthew Stafford Matt Millen Wayne Fontes
Categories: uncategorized
Tags: Brett Favre Jay Cutler John Clayton ESPN mailbag punters Shane Lechler Tim Gunn Tampa Bay Buccaneers Raheem Morris Detroit Lions Matthew Stafford Matt Millen Wayne Fontes
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