Relationship Advice with...Brett Favre
For a new feature here on Daddy's Sugar Ball we are asking celebrities to answer a legitimate question from an actual advice column. We reached out to Minnesota Vikings' on-again/off-again quarterback Brett Favre for his thoughts on a question posted yesterday in the Men's Health Girl Next Door Blog.
Corin from Chicago: Is there a flirting technique that usually works?
Brett Favre: Well, Corin, back in my younger days all it took to get someone in the mood was a six-pack of Bud spiked with a bottle of vicodin. But with all this newfangled mumbo-jumbo crap like Facebook, Twitter, and text messaging, flirting has become much more complicated. Like digging a new swimming hole in the backyard, flirting takes a plan and patience but if you do it right you'll be rewarded with chicks wearing next to nothing.
First, I like to begin with some friendly conversation like “Howdy” and “Hey, I’m Brett Favre”. You don’t want to get too aggressive, too soon; otherwise they’ll mistake you for Ben Roethlisberger. I keep that folksy charm shtick up as long as possible because the ladies seem to like it more than possum hunting at night.
Next, I move on to sexting and here’s where I whip out my big gun...literally. Nothing says I'm ready for a little boot knockin’ more than a cell phone pic of my pecker. The chicks absolutely love it when I send them photos of me rubbing one out for the camera. I can't begin to tell you how many times I've removed my Wranglers, thrown on my Crocs and broke out the leftover goose fat to start jacking off for another snapshot to send to one of my groupie skanks.
If that doesn’t work, daggummit, I just don’t know what will. I’ve pulled so much tail with these moves, I’m as happy as a pig in shit. I’d love to get together - - you should give me a call sometime.
Thanks for coming and suckling Daddy’s Sugar Ball…
Corin from Chicago: Is there a flirting technique that usually works?
Brett Favre: Well, Corin, back in my younger days all it took to get someone in the mood was a six-pack of Bud spiked with a bottle of vicodin. But with all this newfangled mumbo-jumbo crap like Facebook, Twitter, and text messaging, flirting has become much more complicated. Like digging a new swimming hole in the backyard, flirting takes a plan and patience but if you do it right you'll be rewarded with chicks wearing next to nothing.
First, I like to begin with some friendly conversation like “Howdy” and “Hey, I’m Brett Favre”. You don’t want to get too aggressive, too soon; otherwise they’ll mistake you for Ben Roethlisberger. I keep that folksy charm shtick up as long as possible because the ladies seem to like it more than possum hunting at night.
Next, I move on to sexting and here’s where I whip out my big gun...literally. Nothing says I'm ready for a little boot knockin’ more than a cell phone pic of my pecker. The chicks absolutely love it when I send them photos of me rubbing one out for the camera. I can't begin to tell you how many times I've removed my Wranglers, thrown on my Crocs and broke out the leftover goose fat to start jacking off for another snapshot to send to one of my groupie skanks.
If that doesn’t work, daggummit, I just don’t know what will. I’ve pulled so much tail with these moves, I’m as happy as a pig in shit. I’d love to get together - - you should give me a call sometime.
Thanks for coming and suckling Daddy’s Sugar Ball…
Posted by Max Power at 8/5/2010 8:00 AM 
Categories: Celebrity Advice
Tags: Brett Favre sexting Minnesota Vikings Jenn Sterger athlete dong Deadspin
Categories: Celebrity Advice
Tags: Brett Favre sexting Minnesota Vikings Jenn Sterger athlete dong Deadspin
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