Bearcat took the time out of his busy drinking schedule to give you the lowdown on today's game.

Cowboys (+3) over VIKINGS

The Minnesota Brett Favres will be hosting the Super Bowl bandwagon that is the Dallas Cowboys this week. Is there a group of fans that are more offensive front runners than those of the Dallas Cowboys?  On Monday at work it was like everyone just found their Dallas Cowboys coffee mug and realized they had an unquenchable thirst for Java.  A Cowboys Starter Jacket?  I am pretty sure the last time you wore that, Emmitt Smiff was masturbating the ball down the feel with a star logo on his uni.

But here is the major problem this game represents… If the Cowboys win we will hear nothing but “How about them Cowboys!?!?” until they lose (which they will).  If the Vikings win we will hear nothing but how Brett Farve is a winner and he is just having fun out there.  Pretty much our lives are screwed.  While last week’s nightmare game of Ravens/Pats was just a nightmare for Steelers fans this one will be painful for fans everywhere.  I hate the NFL.  Take the points in this one. The Pick: Cowboys 24, Vikings 17  Bonus prediction: the over/under on Purple Jesus fumbles is .5.  Take the over.

CHARGERS (-8) over Jets

While everyone has spent the week trying to find Rex Ryan’s penis so they could worship it…the Chargers owners of a 13-3 record and 11 straight wins are completely forgotten.  I seem to recall that two weeks ago this was the “hottest team in the National Football League and no one wants to face them.” This week it is: “How is Rivers going to over come that vaulted Jets defense?”

Holy Shit! The Jets just beat a down trodden, fatally flawed team, led by the most over rated quarterback in the NFL and by the way the Bungles never win anything…do I need to mention again that it was the Bungles?  Those Jets must be real good!  Does anyone in their right mind want to put their hard earned dollars on the backs of a playoff team that is led by a rookie QB who has become synonymous with having shit on your face on the road after getting to the next round by beating a franchise that would have laid down to a Pop Warner team?  Is this gambling or common sense?  Give the points. The Pick: Chargers 27, Jets 13

Max Power is striding to the plate ... just remember ladies, nobody snuggles with Max Power.  You strap yourself in and feel the Gs.

Cowboys (+3) over VIKINGS

35 years ago, Minnesota also hosted Dallas in a playoff game.  That game came down to the final minute with the Vikings leading 14-10.  Roger Staubach reared back and threw a 50-yard bomb to Drew Pearson that from that point on became known as a "Hail Mary."  Do you remember that every game had these before halftime and the end of game?  Nowadays, you rarely see it (especially headed into the locker room at halftime).  Why?  I'm sure it has to do with the interception and completion percentage of prima donna quarterbacks.  A 5% chance of scoring another 6 points?  Why would they want to take that chance when it could cost them another INT on the stat sheet?  Also, why did punters abandon the coffin corner kicks in favor of pooching it?  It seems that for every ball that's downed within the 5-yard line, there are at least five that are touchbacks in the end zone.

The winners of this game?  Definitely Fox in a ratings bonanza having Favre against America's Team.  The losers?  The NFC for having Wade Phillips or Brad Childress one game away from becoming a Super Bowl coach.  The Pick: Cowboys 31, Vikings 30

CHARGERS (-8) over Jets

Did you know the home of the Chargers was discovered by the Germans in 1904 and they named it San Diego? ... which, of course in German means "a whale's vagina." The Pick: Chargers 37, Jets 13

Just like Kim Kardashian, here comes gambling expert Donnie Douche' bringing up the rear impressively.

VIKINGS (-3) over Cowboys

I absolutely hate everything about this game!  I hate Brett Favre (either change the pronunciation or the spelling, I don’t care which!)  I hate the Cowboys!  I hate Adrian Peterson!  I Hate Wade Phillips!  I Hate the name Mall of America Stadium!  I hate!  With that out of my system ... I LOVE the line on this game!  I don’t care that Dallas is hot, so was Brittany Spears at one point!  Now she is just a crazy bitch!  Hotness comes to an end and when it does it isn’t pretty!  The Williams brothers from different mothers and Jared Allen will wreak havoc in the Dallas backfield causing Flozell (flag me) Adams to rack up 50 yards in penalties by himself!  Romo (rhyming scheme too easy) will toss a couple of picks and they will never get the ground game rolling!  The Vikes on the other hand will get the running game rolling!  The blitzkrieg air attack that Farve (better spelling) along with Rice, Harvin, and Visanthe Shiancoe will rain down on the Dallas secondary and will open running lanes for Peterson!  Dallas will try to blitz Favre and he will burn them with some short routes and screens.  Time to put away the horses as the Cowboys are sidelined for the season and the Vikings row on to face the Saints.  The Pick: Vikings 23, Cowboys 17!

CHARGERS (-8) over Jets

I guess Rex Ryan hasn’t finished off all of the buffets in America so he now gets to visit San Diego!  The Bolts are pretty sexy, folks!  The defense is playing good, the offense is rolling, and special teams are hot!  The Jets run the ball.  Everyone knows they run the ball.  If San Diego stuffs the run even a little bit, the Jets crash!  Thomas Jones was stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey last week but Shonn Greene picked up the slack and busted off a great game.  The Chargers are already saying that they plan to stack the box and force Sanchez to throw.  I told you last week that the Jets would be forced to throw and it didn’t happen, it will this week!  I also told you that when they are forced to throw that Braylon Edwards would drop it ... IT HAPPENED!  It will continue to happen!  This former Wolverine can’t seem to catch anything but a plane out of Cleveland!  The chargers will throw the ball!  Revis is a rock at corner and will be hard to crack but there are weapons galore for Rivers.  By the way, I have it on good authority that Thor himself has placed his lightning bolt in Rivers right arm for the remainder of the season and that this surge of energy will be exacted upon the secondary of the Jets.  Vincent Jackson and Antonio Gates will be huge in this game but mighty mouse Darren Sproles will break off a few long screens.  The Jets Coney Island-like playoff ride is over and the Bolts take care of business! The Pick: Chargers 29, Jets 17!

ZJ	3-3 (0-2)
Bearcat	3-3 (1-1)
Max Power	4-2 (1-1)
Donnie Douche'	1-5 (0-2)

Thanks for coming and suckling Daddy's Sugar Ball.