Ed Hardy Premium Beer:

                                

Why it’s a jerk:  As any member of the DSB Army can tell you I am opposed to all things Ed Hardy.  I hate the trucker hats...the $300 t-shirts...the douche bags who wear this crap.  All of it makes me sick.  But not as sick as Ed Hardy Beer…

My brother-in-law found a six pack of these in Delaware and was kind enough to pick one up for me.  The bottle has the typical D-Bag style with a huge-ass tiger’s head.  The beer is listed as “Premium” and this blatantly constitutes false advertising to a level that should be punishable by death.  I poured this “beer” (and I use that term loosely) into a typical pint glass and found the color to resemble Guido urine.  The bouquet smelled mostly of corn and left me believing it was brewed mostly of rotting vegetables (I wish I was making that up). It lacked any head and at first I assumed it was flat.  The first taste was nothing but fizziness, like a fizzy tea made from compost.  No malts, no hops.  It’s like someone decided to try brewing beer without using any of the ingredients normally associated with brewing beer.

I would have poured it down the drain after my first sip but I wanted to do a fair and complete review for you our loyal readers.  This nearly killed me.  I generally like to let extra cold beers warm up a little to allow for all their flavors to come forth.  A great beer is good from start to finish.  This obviously being a bad beer only got worse.  By the end of the bottle it began to be gag inducing.  It was like drinking hot garbage that had been run through the Juiceman Juicer.  This truly was one of the worst beers I have ever been exposed to…not the worst one, but damn close.  This left me with a bit of a problem.  What am I going to do with the other five bottles of this recycled Jersey Shore urinal water? 

Here is a brief list of possible uses:

Pranks (replace someone’s Miller Lite with an Ed Hardy Premium)
Outdoor Pesticide
Instead of waterboarding offer them an Ed Hardy
If we have to invade Vietnam again it could be an Agent Orange for the 21st Century
A cheap cure for tapeworms in third world countries
Douche Bag Identification (If you are drinking one, you are a D-Bag)
Official Beverage of the DSB Jerk Store…

Thanks for coming and suckling on Daddy's Sugar Ball...
Bearcat