The Jerk Store: The Vending Machine Guy
I can't imagine lugging around boxes of 3 ounce snack bags and collecting tiny envelopes from people claiming the machine ripped them off. It can't be a very fulfilling career, so I’m sorry this is your lot in life.
But I have a couple of bones to pick with you…
Please decide what to do with the item that keeps getting stuck...use your professional vending machine experience to figure out where the optimal location is to put it. It's not so much that I am frustrated when the bag of barbecue Baked Lay’s doesn't drop down for the third time this week. But when I buy the Peanut M&M’s and I have to hope my selection gets by the already stuck item in some sort of Plinko-like game that crap drives me up a wall.
Secondly, if an item sells out I'm pretty sure it's popular...I'm no Time Person of the Year, but even I have a rudimentary knowledge of supply and demand. So why the fuck do you insist on filling that empty row with something else? Oh, look both rows of the Code Red sold out...well let me put cans of V8 there this time. I picked that item over and over again because I liked it, not because I just like pressing C8. And I don't like your attempt at subtly changing what used to be there either just because it's "close" to the previous occupant. I liked the Snyder’s Old Tyme pretzels...switching me to the hard sourdough or Honey Wheat sticks is horseshit and you know it.
No one appreciates the empty calories and huge amounts of sugar and salt to combat the 2:30 drowsy time more than I...but you need to start getting your shit together or I'm going to be forced to interact with actual human beings at the cafeteria. Until then, grab some Cool Ranch Doritos and start filling up the machines that are in the break room of the Jerk Store.
Thanks for coming and suckling Daddy's Sugar Ball...
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