Plastic Staplers:  
                                
                    I tried to staple 5 sheets at once and my plastic stapler committed suicide...

Why they are Jerks:  This is the first inanimate object to be placed into the Jerk Store and frankly I am sad that it took this long for a non-person to get my ire up enough for entrance.  Why plastic staplers?  Because the one function they are designed to complete they absolutely can’t do.  The purpose of a stapler is to place a thin piece of steel wire through multiple sheets of paper so as to hold them together in an orderly fashion.  A simple task that we have assigned to this ubiquitous office tool to make our office lives more orderly since its invention in 1866 by Joan Barbour.  If you own a cheap government surplus stapler then you probably know where I am going with this.  Some time after the 1960’s (I’m guessing) staplers started being produced in plastic rather than the five pounds (approximate) of iron that was the normal construction.  This new plastic construction means that you can’t staple more than 2 sheets of 8.5x11 recycled printer paper together.  That’s effective. 

I currently have a full metal construction Swingline that is painted what I like to call “Bureaucrat Gray.”  That mother can staple though inch thick sheet metal and I have taken it with me as I have transferred jobs on three occasions.  I would give up a beloved family member before I would trade it in for a POS plastic one.  Let’s just say that I understand where Milton from Office Space is coming from.  But seriously why do they continue to make those shitty plastic staplers and why do we as consumer buy these “paper weights?” 

 

Fuck you plastic staplers and welcome to the Jerk Store.

Thanks for coming and suckling on Daddy's Sugar Ball...
Bearcat