Instead of updating the Jerk Store every couple of weeks we are going to move to more frequent and shorter (although not in this case) posts… So here it is.

Jim Rome:

                                       I love me some me...and pound cake.  I love pound cake too.

Why he is a Jerk:  While in the car yesterday driving across our beautifully potholed state I had a chance to listen to the Jim Rome radio show.   A couple of years back it was trendy to dump on Jim Rome for his in-your-face style and strange take on sports and its place in culture.  But after being relegated to the mid-afternoon non-rush hour and stuck in ESPN hell at 4:30 for Rome is Burning he is pretty irrelevant at this point, so people backed off.  I had totally forgotten about him until yesterday. 

What was really irritating about his radio show was the way he totally hacked up the English language.  Now I am all for poetic license and as ZJ will be quick to point out I don’t edit or care for complete sentences in first or second drafts.  But the abuse via the spoken word by Rome is unreal.  Here is an example where Jim Rome reads some emails from his loyal listeners who obviously love his style and attempt to imitate the delivery via these letters:

*Interpretation in paraphrases where possible 

Rome:  Let’s see what the electronic pony express has pounded into my iMac’s inbox.  Seven Pack from Los Ang-go-lino smoke signaled this:

Mr. Seven Pack:  JR!!! All Hail Mary and Stanford Band to you. (This is somehow a greeting)  I was televised the Denver Game this past football worshipping non-workday and SLAMMO! The way that gladiator grudge match ended defined my religion… straight belt buckle.  (The Denver-Cincy game had an exciting ending… belt buckle)

Rome:  I could NOT agree more.  If you are Cincy then you were punked.  If you were not Cincy then you sat and watched as a team’s manhood was removed and burned at the stake in the end zone by horses.  I like where you come from Seven Pack.  Straight belt buckle is right and I would add that it was also wooden picture frame!  Next email is from Magic Wonder Thrust from Red Sox Beantown part’s unknown.

Magic Wonder Thrust:  Rome.  Serena.  Williams.  Ball.  Throat.  Threat.  Kill.  Banned.  Australian Open.  (Either 1. this was just how it was written or 2. Rome just picked random words from MWT’s email.)

Rome:  Emotion gets up inside tennis players.  If Big Mac-Enroe had dropped this flavor on a line judge we would be going unranked vs. top ten upset as we march out the goal posts but since it was female tennis we go all Detroit Pistons-Indiana Pacers.  If you want to call the rules then call the rules, but at least know that refereeing a Serena Williams match might result in you getting tennis elbow down your throat.  I suggest that the next time you drop some British sterling on this match and wait for the pot roast to sizzle like paint chips. (I would interpret this for you but my brain’s just leaked out of my head) That’s it for today.  I’m Jim Rome and I am out like a boner in sweatpants.

After listening to this crap for 20 minutes I was nearly ready to swerve into oncoming traffic.  Lucky for you the loyal DSB readers you don’t have to suffer the same fate.  Avoid Jim Rome at all costs.  It just might save your life.

If that was not reason enough for Jerk Store enrollment then this classic YouTube.com video of his interview with Jim “Chris” Everett certainly is.

Before ending this post just some house keeping stuff here at DSB... Be sure to check back tomorrow when I will be making my triumphant return to The Weekend That Will Be… post.  It will be like when Max Power does it but funny. 

Also this weekend we will be uploading the newest DSB podcast (be sure to subscribe on iTunes).  Max Power is sure that it is the best one yet.

Don’t forget to check back for the DSB Pick’em League.  It is still not too late to get in.  Just email at EditorsDSB@gmail.com to enter.

Also we will be announcing the prize for winning this season’s DSB Pick’em this weekend so get your picks in!

Thanks for coming and suckling on Daddy's Sugar Ball...
Bearcat